Sunday, January 10, 2010

New Year, New Challenges

10 days medical leave officially over and i'm heading back to my favourite place tomorrow - work. Went for a really painful chinese massage yesterday to rub off the steroids side effects; muscle ache and joint pain. The sifu did a fanstastic job popping every point of my bones and even started on my first acupuncture treatment for the tinnitus. The results? Still humming, but the pressure and ear fullness is actually gone, not sure if it's really from the acupuncture or my salt free diet. So i went back there again for my 2nd acu and i met a lady born with tinnitus in BOTH ears. Though her hearing is fine, she has to deal with the constant annoying 'insect calls', she describes.

I am still adapting to single sided hearing and still hopeful that i will recover some if not all of my left hearing. In the meantime i am doing some serious housekeeping with my diet so i do not aggravate anything further. If you're wondering how i feel about all these, well... let's just say i'm coping. I could talk about my deafness openly now without breaking down so i think i am making steady progress. I even made my first sarcastic deafness remark today! So proud!

I was at the market buying some meat balls. I called out to the politely vendor like 3-4 times to pack me a bag of meat balls and he ignored me period. It wasn't until the stranger beside me went "Wow, he is so totally ignoring you!" that i actually realised it and i raised my voice "HALOOO... ONE PACKET PLS?!" Then i turned to hubba and said "And I thought i am only DEAF one here!" Get it? I am really the deaf one! LOL... nvm.

So yeah, i'm cool. Will be awhile until i can safely say i'm okay. Until then i am thankful for everything now irregardless of some lost. I was watching Enchanted over TV this morning and a phrase somehow spoke to me: "We all have bad moments in our life, but do we give up the good ones? NO..."

Monday, January 04, 2010

Rollercoaster

2 weeks ago i was happily enjoying my 1 week break from work to concentrate on my new home buying prosedures with hubba - the bank loan, mortgage, renovation ideas and expenses etc.etc. I was having one of the greatest week in the year and was looking forward to start the new year fresh with bigger things to accomplish and achieve. However, it wasn't quite the case for me.

Without clear signs or warnings, i suddenly loss my left hearing. I went to the clinic only to be given some cold medicine which did not work at all. On the 2nd day, i went to another clinic and doc advised me to see the ENT immediately. When the ENT specialist saw me, he directed me to do TWO hearing tests which didn't give favourable results.



PROFOUND hearing loss.

The doc then directed me to be admitted immediately as he suspects a serious viral infection or the worse possible - Acoustic Neuroma - A non malignant tumor that grows in between the inner ear and brain. So within 24 hours, i was admitted, jabbed with steroids, antibiotics and so many other pills while waiting for my MRI. I can't quite recall anything from the wait, for some reason, i wasn't even in a clear enough mind to worry if i'll get a tumor. I was more bothered with the fact that im not able to hear people or tell which direction a voice or sound is coming from. When the nurses speaks to me from my bad ear in a polite voice, i wanted to scream at them. I became a one ear bitch overnight.



The MRI

Just to cut things short, the results came out clean. No tumor nothing. It is a fascinating but scary sight - the brain. Because once you see how complex it really is and how many important organs and senses are directly connected to it, you'll be immediately thankful you didn't bang your head too hard during last nights party.



Viral Infection and SSHL

So the final medical conclusion turns out to be some viral infection which came and went with my inner ear nerves damaged and resulted to the sudden hearing loss (SSHL). So my hearing is limited to only the right ear now and i have the following problems:

Can't tell the direction of sound. No left just right and unless that person is really on my right!

Can't seave the fore and background sound. For instance, someone talks to me face to face and someone talks in the back; they sound like they are coming from the same person. Now imagine 3 more people talking n laughing elsewhere and i'll wish for a gun in my head if not theirs.

Tinnitus - A constant buzzing, ringing and random funky crackling noises that goes on in my deaf ear 24/7. Put this with the undefined noise from my right ear and i feel like jumping off the nearest ledge.



Emotions
Down in the dumps but hopeful. I can't imagine what it would be like without hubba's support and care during the past few days along with all the encouraging and super supportive messages that i got and really helped me through. I hate the idea of being a burden to anyone but i guess it's really not up to me to decide. I will be hopeful and positive but am seeking a little time, space and understanding to my 'new' condition. Am currently on 5 different drugs and 2 of it will carry on for another 27 days. This is my 3rd day on it and already my knees and hips feels like tearing from the sore tightness. Please be patient with me.