Sunday, June 11, 2006

The deal with turning 26...



Another year, another realization. Turning 26 seems like a big leap from 25 to me. Unlike turning 23 from 22 and so on... i somehow feel like i'm entering the "going on 30's zone"! They say age is only a number, i say, it's a number that attaches multiple achievements and goals to it. So the older you get, the heavier you are weigh down with commitments and expectations.

Nevertheless, turning older seems to more rewarding each year. I have met many great people, seen and experienced many good things in life, learn more about the world and know that i will never be alone no matter what.

I was thrown a little surprise birthday bash by my collegues cum friends. They are the nicest and easiest going people i've met in my entire life. No expectations, no judgement, we all loved one another for who we are. Then there are some unexpected birthday wishes and cards, the least expected one was from one batch of my students. I was touched by their special thought and appreaciation. 3 years of molding talents and little people doesn't always pay off the way i expected it be. But those few who remembers your sincere dedication for them really makes everything worth while.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

My other self

Am contained with an osmosis of emotions at this moment. Not sure if it the effect of on coming workload where balance of life and work could not be defined. But this whole week has been filled with strange happenings, so strange that i started developing some unexpected thoughts and sense of insecurity...

I started questioning myself, the decisions i've made in life so far. Suddenly, the questionings became a self interrogation. I started pondering again. Asking myself if i should make a turn now before i go on any further...

I lost my sense of judgement all of the sudden... i feel like restarting my life from the beginning... is life suppose to be like that? Living by the rules and pleasure of another? I feel as though i could never really want things to go my way, i feel outpowered and things doesn't seem to be in my control or expectations...
Expectations... yes, that was the word i was looking for... i am so surrounded by it, since the day i discovered that expectations were lay upon me was the the day i was born. It is all i do, to live and fulfill another's expectations. What about my expectation?

i do not want to be stuck at the same time frame all my life. Just what do i really want?

I really don't know....