Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Not again!

Switched on my laptop this morning and went straight to e-news as usual. Though it's no physical paper with exegeratted typo, the headline from the e-paper was enough to send me toppling off my chair. "Petrol Up 30 cents!".

When will this ever end?! All prices of goods are going up blaming on the petrol hike, but the one thing which remains the same are the wages and salary! Should have pumped petrol after work last Friday!! 3 years ago, i only had to pay rm38 for a full tank of petrol but i am not even sure that rm50 will do the trick now.

Now i'm thinking of ways to make extra bucks to pay all the hiked expenses which doesn't contribute any good to the current situation. More freelance? Damn Car pool perhaps? With whom?! If only this country's public transport were made to be more public friendly and if only the government thought about expanding the LRT tracks to where ALL people live! Just when i thought i had all my expenses budgetting figured out, they start hiking prices of oil and goods! *Damn*

Monday, February 27, 2006

Me & Myself

Ten years ago, i was still clad in dingy school uniforms, getting up at 6am every morning from Monday to Friday and go through 8 hours of school only to go home with tuition classes and homework. It was almost habitual. I never recalled feeling tired and on top of what i was going through as a student, i took up extra curricular activities and sports only to give myself more reason to stay outdoors. I was like rushing through my teen life back then cause i kept thinking that it will leave me soon enough. I was right. It flashed before my eyes so quickly that i don't even remember what was it like to be a teen.

Back then, i remembered telling my mom that when i turn 16, she should think of me as an adult. She cracked and laughed it off. Now, I can understand why. Now, at 26, i can hardly even consider myself as an adult. To me, being an adult means knowing it all. Have a career, tons of money in the bank, shout at my remiser over the phone in the public. All in all, i haven't really saw that in me yet. I guess not all adults are like my parents. A few has said to me that i act older than my age, grew up too fast, too mature for my age and blah blah... I took them all as a compliment. I never wanted to be underestimated since i was a child. For some strange reasons, i always feel that there's a spotlight on everything i do. Like some people can trip and fall and NOBODY will see it. But for me, it will be the talk of the town. I remember growing up with tons of unwanted pressure simply bcos i want to be accepted. But somehow, i always have to make extra effort on owning things people get for free. So i always dreamt of leaving my childhood days and days that i still have to go to school and do what everybody else is doing. Already i realised that my life in school was so small and i was dying to live a bigger life.

When people start relating their back then school days and how they missed being a teen and all, i couldn't grasp what was there for me to miss at all. I am still glad that i "grew up too quickly". And i never really kept in touch with a single school friend of mine "properly" (friendster is bullshit!). That is how seriously apart i am from the first decade or so of my life.

I felt that i only started living between this few years. Only lately am i able to look around me and then marvel at my life. And as i grew, the world grew a little bigger too and the more i looked for, the more i found. Suddenly i felt so small and minute like a child amongst the adults. Then it hit me that i will never grow old enough to know everything, own all the money in the world and find contentment in something i am doing today as tomorrow's an entirely different story which i have yet discovered.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Where is the justice?

I came upon an article at the star paper today about this woman being arrested for false impersonation to cheat another's money. She was brought to court and then slapped with an 8 years jail term. This woman's 46 and has cheated almost rm300k off a doctor through sms. When her sentence was passed, she was inconsolable and started pleading because she claimed that she did what she did for her family. But the court adjourned the case with no claim for her appeal. She was not even represented.

I may not be a lawyer or someone who knows the Malaysian law in and out. But less than a week ago they actually dropped a 5 years jail sentence on a group of monsters for KILLING a boy. I mean, where is the logic? Is the Malaysian law saying that RM300k is actually more worthy of a longer jail term than a human being's life? In comparison of these two cases, who seems to have done more harm than good? Someone who has killed then cheered over a short jail term or a 46 year old woman who's cheated but still have the emotions to cry and plead.

With law like this, you don't blame the people in this country for running away when someone else's in trouble. People run not because they are heartless, but because they were brought up in a country that doesn't work well at protecting their rights to live.

Just recall on the cases whereby somebody gets hurt or killed for helping others. The most recent case was of a boy who was killed when trying to help a stranger who's car was snatched. But then it took almost half an hour for someone else to send him to the hospital. This is exactly what i am talking about.

People are getting more and more wary and selfish these days and one of the contributing factor starts with poor protections from the rightful power. So the criminals feel they have the upper hand when it comes to commiting crime. Our law made it so easy for criminals to commit their crime and let them get away with a couple of years of punishment before they "start a new" while the victim's family have to go through a life time of pain and traumatic memories.

Many might start arguing and disagreeing with me by pointing out the "Akta's akta's" and so on. But i am speaking from a general citizen's point of view and i only speak on what i see and DON'T see. We may have all kinds of law and protection of rights, but is it being practised as it should be? That is questionable.

I am pretty sure that my views will not be able to help better the law as i am not the first to question the law's effectiveness. So i will continue to pray for less tragedies so we do not have to deal with the law as it will most likely be a loosing battle.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

On giving up and moving on...

I got up yesterday morning like almost everywhere other non working mornings, reluctant, but guilty that i've slept pass 10am while i should be at work like everybody else. Washed up and picked up my phone, trying to reach Crystal- again to try my luck. I have no one else to hang out with at odd days and hours like these. And to my stars, she finally picked up. She just got back from flying the night before and it was her off day too. So we quickly set a time and place to meet up. We met up and and spent hours talking, catching up.

I've known Crystal since college, but only really got to know her when we were close to graduating at Melbourne. We were of very different worlds, but went through similar friendship crisis then. So we sorta helped each other out and ended up being close friends and hangout buddies. The thing with her is that, she's super easy going and i can just be myself and not worry about her judging me. I was sick of being judged so i never really bothered making up to rotting friendships. I am okay with the fact that i don't have to be friends with everybody and its okay that not everybody likes me either. So i grant them their wish and save them the trouble of having to "bear with me".

Anyways, Crystal is like the only person i can really talk to and she is a great listener, something which i am still learning from her. She may not be everybody's cup of tea or make the wisest decisions at times, but i guess that's what makes her and the rest of us human.

We were talking and telling each other about what we've been going through lately and then we started talking about "the list".

2-3 years back, we sat down one day talking about life and where we see ourselves in the next few years. So i suggested to her that we each write a list of things we want to achieve in life and crosses them out once we have successfully achieved them. And amazingly, we have crossed out almost all of them now.

She got the job she's been dying for, to fly and be an air stewardess. And i got mine which is to teach. I also managed to cross out my wish to go Japan, own my own car and hopefully be a Director for something. But i got an Art Director role for KL Lights, so i guess it's close enough!! We are planning to do another list again sometime soon and im wondering right now about my next challenges and goals to meet in the future.

It's nice to look back and then heave a heavy sigh of contentment thinking, "wow.. what a long way i've come and i never thought it will turn out to be like this."
Though not everyday's a sunny or silver lining day, i belief that those troubles and dilemma we fought to overcome has mold us to be who we are.

I don't know about the rest, but i've learnt to appreaciate life better and i think it will be a pity to give up on anything too soon. I think we shouldn't even give up at all. We shouldn't even give ourselves that option in life! Of course, i still advice people to give up on aimless relationships and i myself have given up on people whom i couldn't relate to. But in the end of the day, who are we to even decide on that cause this choice usually involves more than one person. But whatever it is, i feel we should consider ourselves moving on and not giving up to anything.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Slow, slow day...

Woke up reluctantly this Saturday morning with nothing in mind to do other than my usual lunch date routine with Mike every Saturday after our work. It's been awhile since Mike and i actually spent time together on weekends with no interruptions. First, there was KL Lights which temporarily took my weekends away, then there was these work Mike took home to work on. If ppl sees the way we work, they probably thought we're in some kinda debt or some sick workaholics!
I dragged myself out of bed cause the sun was unsually glaring at 8am today. My back was so stiff that i can feel the tendons pulling at the back of my waist as i bent.
I started my day by recalling the dreams i had the night before. No recollection of whatsoever, so i presume there were nothing worth remembering. But i did remember dozing off with a disturbing dream when i am still partially awake, but that's all i could remember.
Did some chores, cleaned up that long awaited greasy kitchen and threw out a mountain of garbage; mostly glass, cans and plastics which i've collected over the time but had no idea where to sent them to. So i organised them in different bags hoping that the cleaner will know what to do with them.
I can never dedicate myself to do something and pay full attention at it. So i managed to do the laundry and also watch tv while cleaning the kitchen hood and walls. I was all over the house.
Waited for Mike to call. He said he'd call to let me know if he'll be caught in any meeting at lunch time. Usually, i will end up calling instead cause i guess he's always too busy to remember to eat. But i waited today, and at 3pm, he finally smsed me to tell me that he'd be late and told me to eat something first. And our lunch date eventually became a dinner date instead.
We went shopping and Mike bought a PDA phone; Dopod. Now he's meddling with his new toy infront of the TV with channel 80 on. What else, soccer! His fav team Liverpool was playing against Man U and they won 1-0. Mike was ecstatic. Haven't heard him cheered on like that since the 2003 World Cup!
Today was such a laid back day for me. No reply on the press ad i was working on yet. Am wondering what i should do tomorrow...

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Bouquet Galore!

This year, i started off the new year with a list of resolutions to fulfill and one of them was to pick up a craft or two to get in touch with my creative side. From there on, I have however unintentionally discovered a new skill and that was bouquet making.

It all started with one bouquet which i offered to make for my friend Chienni's registration day. I thought it would be nice to give her a handmade bouquet as a "tied the knot" gift. And i never expected it to turn out as well as i thought it would! I remember going to Floristika to buy some white roses only to find a bunch of rare pastel pink hydrangeas! I was ecstatic! I started getting all sorts of inspiration and had to almost drag my own ass out of that place!

Chienni's bouquet wasn't my first attempt. My own toss bouquets were and i thought they were just "okay". Maybe bcos i didn't have enough time to research further. So i considered Chienni's bouquet to be extremely successful although i could have fixed the ribbons better. Anyways, this whole bouquet thing didn't end there, it sparked a whole new interest for me to pursue and i started buying books on flower arrangements and crafts.

Then, who would have thought... another friend of mine, Sariah saw the pictures of Chienni's bouquet and asked me to do hers too! I was skeptical at promising her in the beginning cos it's her wedding bouquet we're talking about! I wouldn't risk my bouquet on someone without any solid experiences! But she said she can't afford an expensive bouquet and am willing to settle for something simple and "good enough". Coming from the tight budget wedding background, i understood and agreed to help her out.

So last week, we met up to go flower shopping and i always get lost with inspirations in Floristika! Sariah managed to find what she wants and its my task to make it happen! So i went home and spent about 2 hours to do her bouquet and 2 more bridesmaid bouquet. I was quite amazed at the result and am extremely proud of my skills. This time, i made sure everything is well planned out and i bought some nice ribbons to match the bouquets.

Mike even said i should compile all the pictures into a portfolio! I think i am going to do that. Who knows, i can start a new small business with this new skills. At the moment, i am doing this only for friends as a wedding gift. Maybe i might consider some small scale business if recommended. :)

Running on a hamster wheel

I bought a toy wheel for my hamsters 2 weeks ago but Mike and i never see them running on it. I was about to accept the fact that my hamsters are the laziest bunch on earth. They are getting so comfortable that they are loosing their sense of curiosity and hyperactiveness. Then- Mike woke me up yesterday morning to bring me the good news that ONE hamster finally "got it"!

While i was watching the hamster going on running on the wheel, i started wondering why they would do such a thing. It doesn't bring them anywhere obviously, but they seem so determined that they will eventually get somewhere!

Sometimes, i think we're very much running on an endless wheel. Not knowing what's ahead and unable to anticipate for the better or worse. Just where is everyone heading to right now?

Wealth? Success? Fame?

I am running on the same wheel as most people too. Perhaps that urge for all the materialism cravings will end soon enough.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

The drama behind the drama

Am drowning in an emotion washing machine.

Never felt frustrated, disheartened, annoyed, relieved and wanted all at the same time. These emotional turbulance is not doing any help with my IBS condition.

Can't move ahead and can't turn back. Am being poked around like i am mentally incapable of controlling myself. Feel like making a move, but each move i make seems to shift a whole lot more than myself; like a ripple effect.

I think i'd rather stay still now, but time is never still... just what can i do?!

God, please give me a sign!

Monday, February 06, 2006

Heart wrenching...

I like to believe that our direction in life comes down with the choices we make. And who we are today was how our enviroment and society made us to be.

Sometimes, i was told that pure luck has it with some people, while the least fortunate ones were doomed with bad ones, to those people, their lives are only determined by fate and nothing else.

I believe that luck plays a part in our lives, but they are just like a those free toys you get from snack food, you either get them or you don't. And they don't usually effect one too drastically, unless we try to rely on luck to gamble over matters regarding life and death.